Forgive -- but forget?

As the Day of Atonement approaches, here are some random (but kind of edited) thoughts. WARNING: There are lots of questions, but the answers are left to each of us…which may be the very point. 

We consider this the holiest day of the year? Why? 

We are told – commanded really – to afflict our souls. What does that mean…beyond the physical deprivations? And is that holy?

What exactly is Atonement (our translation of the word Kippurim). A dictionary definition: “the making of reparation for a sin or a mistake” – reparation…isn’t that repayment? Is that even possible? The thesaurus lists “compensation” as a synonym and then it moves on to “amends, penitence, penance, punishment, expiation, apology, reparation, recompense”….again a lot of focus on payment/repayment, but other seemingly inconsistent ideas are also included.

While it is called the Day of Atonement, and we spend much of this time recounting and then “atoning” for sins, is that the goal, or is it a means to an end?

Is it ultimately about forgiveness? God forgiving us? People forgiving each other? Each of us forgiving ourselves? And for there to be forgiveness, does there first have to be atonement?

At services last Shabbat, Rabbi Tucker shared an interesting insight about forgiveness. In our lexicon we have the commonly cited phrase, “forgive and forget.” The Rabbi pointed out that while it is glib (and alliterative so it is easy to remember), it is really quite shallow and naïve. In fact, isn’t it much more meaningful to remember, so the forgiveness can be honest and complete. He then went on to remind that Rosh Hashanah is called Yom Hazikaron (day of remembrance) which comes prior to Yom Kippur. Without remembrance, can there really be atonement and/or forgiveness?

What exactly is forgiveness? Is it about the other? Or about ourselves (sometimes we can see ourselves as “the other,” especially if/when we are acting in ways we are not proud of)? What do we seek? Closure? Release? A new direction?

Wishing all of us a meaningful day of fast and contemplation and a fresh start for a year filled with joy, health and peace.

For the New Year

It seems to me that many (most?) of us, not just Jews – especially in the Northern Hemisphere – think of this time of year as the New Year….even without going to Synagogue and/or hearing the sound of the shofar. Perhaps this dates back to school when each year at this time we started a new grade, so we were all a year “older”? 

The New Year which the Jewish people usher in on Wednesday evening – in fact, even in the Jewish liturgy the concept is universal... it is called “ the birth of the world” – is a time of self-examination and reflection, so here are some random thoughts on that topic.

Like most things, self-reflection is best in moderation:  Too much of it and you can become a self-centered boor; Not enough and you might be shallow and insensitive. (Reminder: I am a self-defined centrist, always seeking the middle.) But with all of life’s distractions, it seems like a good idea to have some time “legislated” for the sole purpose of reflecting on our lives and what we would like to improve.

I have to admit I’m struggling a bit these days with whether or how a regimented, structured (and in many cases long) prayer service can be an effective gateway to meaningful self-reflection and/or self-improvement. Again, I feel a need for balance. With no structure, it can be too free-form and we can easily get distracted. Too much structure and we can lose sight of what we’re really there for, with too much emphasis on the form rather than the substance. Too short and we might not give ourselves a chance – too long and we risk boredom or burn-out.

Of course, mine is not a unique struggle. In fact, many “pious” people are also confused. We all have to find our balance, but in order to do that we have to be active, willing and open participants. Find a passage or a melody that resonates and meditate on it. Read/listen to those same lines of Scripture again and perhaps you will hear/feel something new. Who among us has not had that happen after listening to a favorite piece of music, or watching a favorite movie again? I just attended a talk with Rav Steinsaltz about the binding of Isaac – which we read every year on Rosh Hashana – wherein he implored and exhorted us to read it freshly each year, because while the words may be the same, we are not!

So, let us try not to feel trapped by the structure, whatever structure we choose – rather look at it as a runway, our runway for the flight that is most meaningful to each of us at that moment.

And may we all have a New Year of happiness, health, prosperity and peace.